Officially the most hated question to date: So what are you doing this summer?
My answer: i don't effing know because i didn't get any of the internships that i applied for and i've sent out at least 50 emails to researchers all over the city of which two replied saying that their labs are full and i've applied to so many entry-level positions none of which would take me ...
So what do my parents do:
1) Mom threatens that I'll have to work at the local supermarket if I don't find anything
2) After the first 3 weeks I'm home, since I haven't found a job yet (DESPITE the fact that I have an interview for a position at Staples this Monday, she forces me to fill out an application to the local supermarket when we go food shopping today RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE GDAMN MANAGER) ... because she says she knows that i would never fill it out on my own ....and of course we just came from mass so i'm filling out an application to be a gdamn cashier at a supermarket dressed in my church clothes ... and the manager says i don't even need to finish the application, he'll "give me a call later this afternoon to schedule training" ....
THE BEST PART: when i hand in the application to him, he looks at says "so you said you're applying for ... any position ... (I nod regretfully) ... oh ok well we have some gutters in the back that need cleaning" ... followed by a wink and smile at my mother ....
... I WANTED TO FCKING CRY RIGHT ON THERE IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE GDAMN SUPERMARKET ... I GO TO FCKING VASSAR COLLEGE ABOUT TO ENTER MY SENIOR YEAR MAJORING IN BIOLOGY AND MINORING IN EARLY BRITISH LITERATURE AIMING TO ATTEND PUBLIC HEALTH SCHOOL AND GET A MASTERS FCKING DEGREE AND THE MANAGER OF THE LOCAL SUPERMARKET IS MAKING JOKES WITH MY MOTHER IN FRONT OF ME THAT I'M GOING TO FCKING CLEAN OUT THE GUTTERS IN THE BACK ....
*breathe in ... breathe out ...*
3) we go home and a few hours later, i try explain to my (usually) understanding father how embarassed i was in that situation and that we could have waited until i had my interview (which is TOMORROW) .. and what does he say:
- well you know what, this is your own fault, you have no one to blame but yourself, if you had something lined up for this summer you wouldn't be in this situation but you obviously didn't think to plan anything substantial, useful, or beneficial for this summer, so this is your fault
GDAMNNIT....I DIDN'T FCKING PLAN?? DOES HE WANT TO SEE HOW MANY JOBS I'VE APPLIED TO, THE INTERNSHIPS THAT I WAS REJECTED FROM, HOW I'M APPLYING TO BE A FCKING PHONE GIRL FOR A CATERING COMPANY AND ITS MY FCKING FAULT..................
*breathe in ... breathe out*
and of course ... someone that i was hoping would be a bit more supportive, and understanding is too self-centered to even think to be a bit more sensitive since i had to endure all of this from my parents today .... talking to him is one of the few things that i look forward to in my day and bc of his schedule, we haven't been able to in the last 2 days, which i understand, but obviously i'm a bit bummed about and told him this ... and what does he says, .... "STOP COMPLAINING, ITS NOT MY FAULT, YOU KNOW THAT I''VE BEEN BUSY SO I WOULDN'T HAVE TIME TO TALK" .... gdamn ...
it's like ... my parents have pushed me into a pile of shit ... and someone else just pushed me further into it ...
and of course ... this is all my fault.
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